Spiders!

“Good God. Spiders. Why did it have to be spiders?” I muttered.

“What did you say?” Zeke asked.

“Nothing. I just don’t like spiders,” I replied.

“Yeah, me neither. But let’s deal with it now.” Zeke rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the large box in front of us. “You ready?”

“No, but I’ll never be ready. Just do it.” I gripped the chain on the cage door tightly. Zeke’s idea was that he would lift the box and herd the spider into the cage. I would yank on the chain, dropping the door, and voila. Captured spider.

Of course, this spider was the size of a Maine coon cat. Some one… someone I’d cheerfully throttle right now, had used some kind of enlarging spell on a common house spider. At least it was a common, non-venomous spider. The box nudged itself forward.

I swallowed hard. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Zeke nodded. “On three… one… two… three!” He quickly pulled up the box and shoved it and himself slightly forward in order to herd the spider towards the cage. The spider scurried out and headed for the cage. I gripped the chain and held my breath. Wait… wait… wait…

“Shit!” The spider veered off to its left, thankfully away from me, and headed toward the open garage door.

“Crap!” Zeke shouted. He ran to try to head it off. I grabbed the cage and ran after him.

“Don’t let it get away!” I yelled, dodging around to get in front of the cat-sized spider. Nothing like having twenty-five pounds of eight-legged freakdom racing at you. I found myself staring at compound eyes that were on the level with my knees.

“Shitshitshitshit!” I muttered, fear making my stomach clench and my head spin.

“Open the cage door!” Zeke hollered. I jerked my head up and yanked on the door. Zeke almost fell into me as he herded the spider into the cage. I slammed the door shut, shoved in the bar, and slammed the lock home.

I stumbled backwards about twenty feet before collapsing on the floor. Panting, I looked at Zeke. “What the hell?”

He shook his head. “Sorry, man. I really didn’t expect it to zig-zag to the left like that.”

Just as I got my heart rate back into the normal range, the inside door opened. A tall figure stood silhouetted in the florescent light pouring out.

“Gentlemen, I trust all in well out here?” a deep voice inquired. Mr. Whitaker, our boss, stepped into the garage.

Zeke and I scrambled to our feet. “Yes, sir. We got the spi.. er, Charlotte, in the cage, sir,” Zeke answered.

“Good, good. Thank you for that. She does get a bit frisky when she knows she’s going to the vet, and I don’t want her running off. She gets scared easily.” Mr. Whitaker chuckled.

Yeah, cuz a spider the size of a cat wouldn’t cause any problems for the general populace at all. Not at all. I just bit my tongue.

“Well, she’s all set, sir. We’ll get back to trimming the hedges,” Zeke told Mr. Whitaker. He gestured to me and we started to walk out of the garage.

“Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you very much,” Mr. Whitaker gave us a wave and walked over to the cage where Charlotte crouched.

“Hi baby. I know, but it’s just a quick visit to the vet. You’ll be right back home,” he cooed.

I shook my head and went back to the hedges. This job paid really well, but I was thinking I needed to find a new one.

******

For week 28 at More Odds Than Ends, I traded prompts with ‘nother Mike and got: When they lifted the box, the spider escaped. I hate spiders. I hate them with the burning passion of a million suns, Charlotte’s Web notwithstanding. Having said that, this snippet popped into my head. Mike got The stones shifted to spell out… from me. Head on over to see what he did with it!

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