Month: November 2019

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Feeling thankful

Yeah, I know. Yet another post about being thankful. They do crop up this time of year. But, I’m taking it a little differently this year (at least I think I am). For over a year now, at the end of the day, I’ve been writing down 10 things I’m grateful for that day. It’s been everything from my husband (every minute of every day), my family, a fan-freaking-tastic parking spot out front, my cats (we lost three this year and one moved in with us, so it’s been an interesting year in terms of felines), my students, my colleagues, the sunny day, getting out to walk, whatever. I started doing this because I read several different pieces that discussed the creation of well-being and positive attitude that comes with deliberate recognition of what you’re grateful for. You know, beyond the yadda yadda of course I’m grateful for my husband. The idea here is to recognize and think about all the little things that crossed your path that day that did indeed make it a little better, or brighter even if only for that moment. The small child who smiles at you and waves, the dog who is so happy you scritched her ears, the chance encounter with your neighbors, that sort of thing.

So, this Thanksgiving week, I’m grateful for all the usual things, friends, family, my health, etc. But looking back on what I’ve written down for the last year plus, I’m very grateful I started consciously thinking about all those small, daily occurrences that make the moment or the day just thatmuch nicer and brighter.

To illustrate: I just got back from picking up our turkey at Whole Foods. I waffled between walking and driving. I’m lucky enough that the store is an easy 15-20 minute walk. But, I’d be bringing back a 15 lb. turkey. And, we don’t have one of those granny carts. So, I decided to drive. My initial thoughts were, OK, this isn’t as bad as I expected, even with all the set up for the Thanksgiving Day parade (oh, yeah, we’re in detour central for that thing). Those initial thoughts were very quickly trampled. I quick ducked off the street I was on and meandered my way back down towards the store. Grateful I know the sneaky routes. Success! After dealing with some twat who was blocking the parking garage entrance (grateful for the patience levels I’ve achieved), I got into the store. Got my turkey. Grateful for the nice woman who’s job it was today to deal with that. Got my cider. Grateful for the funny woman at the checkout. Got back home easily, and yes, grateful for the kick-ass parking spot. And, finally, grateful I do not have to go back out into the chaos that is Philadelphia today. If I do, I will walk and I’m grateful that walking is an option. I’m also grateful that the current, and sole remaining cat, Max, is happy that I’m sitting next to him on the couch writing this post.

I’m also grateful that we can host and have our friends over for our “orphans Thanksgiving.” And, last but never least, I’m grateful I have five days off of work, lots of time for writing, and only one week left in the semester. Whoo-hoo!

What are you grateful for today?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Image by Ulrike Leone from Pixabay

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Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!

Lions, tigers, and bears all seem to appear at this time of year. The metaphors, at least. Work and its associated stresses, time sinks, and general all-around malaise (nothing screams malaise quite like students and faculty at the end of the semester. Everybody just wants it to END NOW!) make for a large pride of lions; each on stalking you and creating at best worry, at worst fear. The general stresses of the holiday season, combined with less than mild world news (looking at Hong Kong) become that tiger stalking in the jungle; you never know when something is going to jump out from its hiding place and attack. Finally, not writing enough for my own satisfaction, never mind keeping up with NaNoWriMo, is the hibernating bear (my muse and brain cells are apparently on extended holiday); can’t quite seem to wake up and not sure you want to.

I am REALLY looking forward to the end of the semester, even though there are a whole host of other things waiting for me at the end. But, those things/plans/events are things that I want to deal with and work on. Even the trip to Europe with my students. We have plane tickets and a place to stay for the first 2/3 of the trip. The rest is easily taken care of, so I can simply look forward to watching my students explore and experience the simulation, catch up with well-respected and liked colleagues, and enjoy good beer and food.

Writing? Well, yesterday I read a whole new book. Which is OK, because it’s in the urban fantasy genre and it’s a renewal of a series I really like. Got some interesting ideas and learned more about pacing, scene writing, and character arcs. So, that does count as work. Today, we tackle yard work (leaves from the neighbor’s tree are finally all down), and some other pre-Thanksgiving chores and then it’s supposed to rain. That’s when I will go back to the writing. I owe a short-story by mid-February and I have to keep going on book #2 in my series. I also have to gently poke my beta readers for book #1 so that I can get that out.

Also in the line of work, I’m figuring out how to license images and covers, the ins and outs of converting to a Kindle Unlimited format and all those details. I’ve created covers for all three books already since that makes me feel like the books exist and I just have to fill in the space in between the front and back covers. I’ve found that this is similar to my process of writing academic articles. There, I just blast in and write out the whole thing, dumping in notes for citations, place holders for data tables etc. For me, even if I end up dumping 10 of 25 pages and writing an additional 15 pages, that’s OK because it’s editing, not original writing. Psychologically, there’s a world of difference between writing and editing. Writing is facing a blank page and trying to organize your thoughts and ideas into something comprehensible and (in the case of fiction) entertaining. Editing is looking at a finished product and tweaking things so it smooths out. Yes, it’s more complex than that, but that imagery is what I use and it works to keep me moving forward.

I did mean to write yesterday. I had all intentions of doing so. But, I think the meeting I had on campus at 8:00 a.m. kind of ripped it all out of me. Not really an excuse, but an explanation (OK, so I feel better telling myself that). But, I did read and did make note of interesting structural bits in the book. Like I said, that does count and I’m not just saying that for an excuse. If you don’t read, you can’t know what makes one story work and another one bomb.

So, I’m off to rake leaves, run errands, and then write. The cat will really enjoy the writing bits as I tend to sit on the couch and he sleeps beside me, keeping an eye on my work and whereabouts.

Enjoy the weekend!

Image by Michael Siebert from Pixabay

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NaNoWriMo and dry spells

Another long spell of no blogging. I really need to avoid these dry spells and do this more often as it lets me get thoughts out. When I’m staring at words on a page, they seem to make a lot more sense than when jumbled up inside my head. I have been writing (kinda, sorta), trying to keep pace with NaNoWriMo. But, not very successfully. I didn’t officially sign up, but I did start keeping track of my word count each day. The last few days have been, shall we say, less than stellar.

I did start writing a short story prompted by a call for stories from someone in a group I’m in. If accepted, this will be my first paid writing. I’ve got published pieces in the academic world, but you don’t get paid for those (even if it’s a book, you really don’t get that much from it…there’s some idea that academics do it for the pure intellectual challenge and don’t give a damn about money…HA!)

Life is moseying along pretty well so I’m not sure why writing is not occurring. I really do try not to stress myself out when I don’t get something down every day, but that’s easier said than done. I’m trying very hard not to let the annoyances and stresses of work get involved in my life outside of work. That’s also tricky since as an academic, much of work spills waaaay over into life. For example, I’m taking students to Europe over winter break and due to the clusterfuck that is our non-existent “global engagement” office, I am doing ALL of the logistics as well as the academic prep for this trip. Thus, I’m back to having a ton of homework to take care of for that class and trip, on top of all the other grading and prepping for other classes. Then add in committees that are churning out unnecessary work for members and you have academia in a nutshell.

Hmmmm…guess work life is not humming along as smoothly as I might have wished. Home life and non-work life is truly fantastic. Like I said, writing a short story for hopeful inclusion in an anthology, working my way through book two of my series, pondering two more series, and generally enjoying the writing gig. Now to make money with that.

OK, thank you for listening. I am off to do some more writing and cook some brunch on this chilly Sunday morning. Here’s to a productive week ahead, and it’s almost Thanksgiving!

Image by Marion Wunder from Pixabay

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Mammoths and living

The following is a comment I left on a post called “Fraying” at According To Hoyt. The post is about how our differences, exacerbated by social media and the apparent need for many people to engage in virtue signalling (showing the world that this is a REALLY GOOD THING or NOTHING TRUMP DOES IS OK IN MY EYES EITHER! or whatever it is that they feel the need to be publicly supportive of or angry about). Because of this need to virtue signal many people believe lies and slander about others that they know personally and have known for years. Years worth of personal knowledge, friendship and shared experiences go out the window with the need to show those whose judgments they simultaneously crave and fear that yes indeed, I’m still totally supportive of this group!
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Just found this today.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/taming-the-mammoth-why-you-should-stop-caring-what-other-people-think

It dovetails right with what you are saying about worrying about how others judge us, *that* they judge us and how we can get out from under that mammoth. Those that believed the slander about you, Sarah, will believe slander about anyone they know because they value staying in the group more than their authentic voice. They don’t realize there is another group “out there” which will welcome them in. Or they are afraid to even go look because of what others might say.

I started writing fiction because of a word prompt you had way back in the summer of 2018. I’m still in academia, but I have a plan and a system for leaving and yes, I’m going to make writing my full time job. I also know I’m going to get laughed at by colleagues. But then, due to events over the last year or so, I’ve already discovered I can’t trust most of them anyway.

Here’s to jumping and knowing the net will appear!
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The linked piece is what I want to talk about now.

The mammoth in the piece is a metaphor for our need for and fear of others’ acceptance of us. The author points out that we all have mammoths in us, but the trick to leading your authentic life and leading with your authentic voice is to control your mammoth.

Leading with your authentic voice, being public with it, is a very scary proposition. You open yourself up to ridicule, harassment, and ex-communication from co-workers, friends, and even family. When I decided to embark on this author journey I hesitated to even tell my husband that this is what I wanted to do. I was afraid he was going to laugh at me and also (very legitimately) bring up the issue of the two of us trying to live on one salary.

In the end, of course, I did tell him. And he was and is extremely supportive (I never should have doubted him. I know he would walk through fire drenched in gasoline for me). Others I’ve told have also been very supportive. A couple have asked me if I plan on continuing in academia while writing, thinking that of course, I will have to do the sensible thing and maintain a guaranteed income. (Did I mention that tenure is a life-time job guarantee and that I’d have to be insane to walk away from that? I did? Well, OK. To continue then.) When I say no, I’m jumping from academia to full time writing, most times friends tilt their heads, think about it for a few seconds, and then nod and smile and say something along the lines of “Cool! That sounds exciting!” I’m discovering that I’m very lucky in my circle of friends and I am beyond grateful for all of them.

So, my mammoth is seriously objecting to my leaving a tenured job for something that is simply riddled with uncertainty. Taming and controlling that mammoth has been difficult and scary. One of the things my mammoth does is indulge in internal conversations between me and what I imagine others will say. Needless to say this exercise does not result in any resolutions to anything, rather it simply ramps up my stress levels. I’m slowly getting that bit under control.

I read the linked piece today and I think it was the last little thing that I needed to convince me that yes, I am doing the right thing for me. I wrote some more on book #2 yesterday and today. Yesterday was a bit of a struggle, but today, things came easily. I’m not really sure yet where this book is headed (I have a vague idea, but no specifics), but I’m sure it will wind up someplace really fun and interesting. And, it should be a good story getting there.

I will no longer run my life and my ambitions according to those who are too buried by their own mammoths. I am listening to my authentic voice and giving it room to breathe and grow. It is not going to be easy, but it will be rewarding in a multitude of ways and I can’t wait! There’s a system or method to my madness and I’m heading out.

Living by the saying “Jump and the net will appear” is scary and exhilarating all at the same time. But I think this is the best way to truly live and I’m going for it.

Do it! Don’t let your mammoth smother you and don’t let the mammoths of others sit on you.

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay