Month: December 2019

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New year, new decade

The second decade of the 21st century is ending (yes, I’m aware of the whole 19 vs. 20, 9 vs. 0 thing. I go with 0 is the lowest number, therefore 9 is the last of the decade). As we enter this third decade I am looking forward to a number of changes both big and small. I will start my full-time writing career this year. I will leave academia this year. We will move to a different place this year. Those are the big changes. And, they are quite big. And stressful. But, full of adventure and potential!

I have spent a fair amount of time this past year assessing and evaluating my life, my attitude, and my desires. Discovering that not only can I write fiction, but that I like to write it, and I’m actually pretty good at it has been eye-opening and mind-blowing. I have loved this kind of story as long as I can remember. I’m the kid who went through the children’s section of the library faster than the librarians could keep up. I discovered all those color fairy tale books…Red Fairy Tale Book, Yellow Fairy Tale Book, etc. I headed for the YA section as an elementary school kid. I ate up the science fiction, swords and sorcery, urban fantasy, etc. I loved thinking about how one would create such worlds, what kind of stories would happen in those worlds. I never thought I had enough ideas and creativity to actually create and write stories in those worlds.

Now, in middle age (OK, fine. Late middle age. Whatever), I am creating not one, but several different worlds, and dreaming up stories in those worlds. This is loads of fun! I wish I’d known about this before. But, then, I would not have taken the path that I have, and I know for certain that I would not have had the courage to let anybody read anything, never mind submit something for publication. I know now this is what I want to do and that I can do it and that I will be successful. I’m a much stronger person now then I was even a decade ago.

Heading into this new decade, I’m feeling almost like I’m a new person. I no longer care about the criticisms of people who are not close to me and not supportive of anything I do, unless that something is on a path or trajectory they approve of. I’ve removed several toxic people from my life. I’m publicly taking stands on things and some of those stands are not popular with a number of people who probably now consider me a “former friend.” Whatever. I prefer friends with whom I can vehemently disagree, discuss issues, and then go and have a wonderful time at dinner. I’m making sure that the people who are in my life are people I know have my back and I have theirs.

I’m starting my new year by traveling with students. If that doesn’t test strength I don’t know what will! I hope everybody has a great new year’s eve, and a strong start to the new year and the new decade!

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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Strange days indeed

Strange in a good way, I should add. I was taking care of a couple of things when I realized that I was not as stressed out as I should be. I mean, I’m putting together two syllabi for three classes, I’m reading about EU sanctions on Iran and Russia, I’m leaving on Wednesday for Belgium with students. We’ll be there for 10 days. We get back on a Saturday and classes start on Monday. I should be completely stressed and racing around like the proverbial headless chicken. But…I’m not. I’m weirdly calm. I mean I like it, but it’s weird. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way at this time of year before. Friends always say, “Gee, must be nice to have four weeks off between semesters. Wish I got that.” What they don’t realize is that in that four weeks I have to grade and finish all the previous classes, write the syllabi and prep all the classes for the spring, deal with committee work (yes, that continues through the break), and in my case, lose a week to 10 days shepherding students around Europe. Oh, and my own research.

So, it’s not really a “vacation” in the sense that I get to sit around, read fiction, binge watch whatever, and take nice long walks. I do those things every now and then, but after I’ve done about 6+ hours of research/prep/committee stuff. I’m not complaining, just pointing out that it’s not all bonbons and soap operas. So, why am I so relaxed this year compared to other years? What’s going on? I had to think about this.

I am not doing research. At least not political or work-related research. I am doing research for a book I want to write. But, I’m not doing my usual political parties in Serbia research. I’m not worried about getting something out, past the reviewers, and hopefully in a journal by the end of 2020. And, doing all that so I can show it to my colleagues and have them nod and smile. I really am over this. I still like to know what’s going on in the Balkan corner of the world. I just don’t want my world to be required to revolve around it.

Starting next week you will see responses to prompts here. I’m participating in a group to create and respond to writing prompts in order to hone the craft and maybe get ideas. At the least, to make sure I’m stretching that creative muscle on a somewhat regular basis.

I’m enjoying my busy, but less-stressed-than-expected last few days of 2019. I hope everybody has a good end to 2019 and is looking forward to an adventurous and fun-filled 2020.

Image by 1980supra from Pixabay

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Merry Christmas!

The photo for this entry is Max the (reluctant) Christmas cat. He’s not exactly thrilled about things draped around him and on his head, but he’s a generally good sport. He’s not a tree climber either which is a pleasant surprise. He did trample through the wrapping debris earlier, but mostly in a desire to see what was floating around. Now, he’s sleeping on the blanket I keep on the sofa just for him. One of my New Year’s resolutions will be to learn to nap like a cat; in other words, become a professional napper!

We went to a friend’s house for Christmas dinner. It’s become a tradition for the years we spend Christmas in Philly. It’s always a fun mixed crowd and tonight was no exception. Lots of good food, good company, and good natured fights over music. Only one guy was a bit full of himself and wanted to make sure we all knew our history, and could conduct his form of political analysis. I did go after him a bit, but not much. Told him I don’t like getting cut off. He said he wanted to talk more, I said no, thanks. I knew how it was going to go and I wasn’t interested in rehashing straw arguments. His witty comeback “Oh, yes. You know me so well” in what was meant to be biting sarcasm. I said, no, I don’t have to. I know your type and I’m not interested in dealing with it on Christmas day. He apologized for making me feel “devalued.” I just laughed and kept piling food up on my plate. He then tried to make nice and act like nothing happened. So, I went along. I think he was disconcerted that I refused to get upset by his attempt to show how morally superior he was. Also that I got backing from some of the others in the room. Who he knows pretty well. Kinda funny.

That little contretemps made me realize that I can actually have these arguments, that I can stand up without having an emotional meltdown or even a partial one, and that I no longer get upset with myself. I do think I won that round and I’m good with that. The rest of the evening was fun and I enjoyed seeing several people I hadn’t seen in a while.

Altogether a good Christmas. Tomorrow, I start back in on syllabi and trip planning stuff. Yay. Oh, well. It has to happen and if I do it now, I will be much happier when I get back with only one day before classes begin. And, I need to do some of my own writing. This cold has knocked me out and made it difficult for my brain to function. I guess I really needed the down time. I did manage to do some reading and pay attention to pacing etc. while i was reading, so I got that going for me…

Anyway, back to a schedule (of my own choosing) tomorrow. I hope everybody (pick your holiday): 1) had a good Christmas, 2) is having an enjoyable Hanukkah, and 3) will have a happy Kwanza.

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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

The semester is over. I only have three more papers to read. Grades are due at noon on Tuesday. This is my list of things that *have* to happen. Writing for my own benefit will come in between for the next couple days and then I will do it in between working on the syllabi for the spring semester classes. I really am not good at winding completely different jobs together. But then, the day job is annoying the ever-loving crap out of me, so that will be the primary reason for my procrastination this week. Of course, the grade deadline is a hard deadline, so yes, I will get that done. Fortunately, the two syllabi are for classes I’ve taught before, so they just need to be updated. That won’t take that long.

We wandered around the city quite a bit today buying a couple of Christmas gifts and looking at the lights and decorations and then hitting up the Christmas Village in Love Park. Went through our neighborhood which has changed (for the better) dramatically over the 15 years we’ve lived here. It’s a lot of fun to walk around and realize that there are busy restaurants and cool stores where there used to be abandoned buildings or empty lots. Today was also the Army-Navy game so there were and are tons of visitors in town for the game. It’s also the day of the ever-popular Santa Stumble. Lots of people wearing Santa or elf costumes/outfits and wandering from bar to bar. Put them together with the Army/Navy fans and the regular Philly denizens and you get a very interesting mix.

It did give me a couple of story ideas, so I’m going to scribble up some outlines and see where they take me. I also realized that I have to go back to Book #2 and create an outline for that. I am stuck and trying to figure out where this is going. Same thing for Book #3. Also gotta work on this short story I want to submit and which is due in February. And, then, we have to address and mail Christmas cards. So much for a break between semesters!

OK, off to work and making dinner. Take care of yourselves and do your best to keep those stress levels low as we move toward the height of the holiday season.

Stay sane inside insanity!

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A leap of faith

I am a total procrastinator. I can find a TON of things to do before those things I’m supposed to do. There’s a reason it took me three years to finish my dissertation (well, procrastination and an evil committee chair). But, you get my point. I like fiction writing, but now I’m finding that I’m engaging in the same procrastination behaviors. And, I think I’ve figured out why (so far, it’s not the cat keeping me pinned…that should be helping). I think it’s because moving to writing full time is a freaking huge leap. A leap of faith. And, those are extremely difficult to make. So, I make the excuse that I have to make sure none of my students have turned something in within the last five minutes, or that I need to check the department’s Facebook page just to make sure that announcement got posted…and then I spend an hour wandering around FB.

So, why do I do this? Again, this gigantic, scary, life-altering leap of faith. If I actually complete my current short story, that means I have to submit it. And, strangers will read it. And some of them won’t like it. And, and, and…. It’s not that I haven’t published stuff before. I have. But that was research stuff. Stuff that could be backed up, supported etc. Not stuff that was just straight out of my imagination. Not things that other people might find weird, or uninteresting (OK, so research is only interesting to a small pool of people, but that’s the pool I was writing to). I know the pool I’m writing to now, and it’s much, much bigger.

So, here I am with a cat trying to pin me to the sofa, writing this blog, and avoiding working on the short story and on Book #2 in the series. I even went for a walk this morning which always makes me feel better. Luckily for my procrastination proclivities, somebody just went down to the basement and put in a load of laundry. That means, I can’t use laundry as an excuse to not write. At least not now. Guess I’ll just have to write. I will admit that writing this does help get me in the right mindset for writing.

The semester is effectively over. The papers for my largest class are not due until Wednesday night at midnight. I’m already planning on going in to the office on Thursday to take care of grading those and hopefully getting the senior research projects taken care of as well. Grades are due next Tuesday, so I’ll turn those in Monday evening (cuts down on the constant whinging and grubbing for better grades). Thus, I have no excuse for not writing (didn’t I say that already?) Plus, it’s raining. Stay in and write.

OK, I’m off to write. I really am going to do this. I keep telling myself I’m taking this life-changing direction. That I’m leaving academia. That I’m going to write for a living. So, I’d better actually take that leap of faith.

Here I go!