Category: Life

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Life is risky

As the memes and cliches say…no-one gets out alive. Life is risky and we’re all gonna die (unlike in the movie “Cocoon” where Wilfred Brimley says “you won’t ever get sick and you won’t ever die” when they find the aliens). Stay on Earth and you will die. Where we seem to be having an argument is over how and when we die and what risks we are all willing to take *before* we die.

Slowly but surely (and I’m very happy about it) the country is opening back up. There are stories from all over about states moving at their own speed and counties within states defying governors and moving at their own pace. Even Cuomo has had to allow some counties in New York to open up faster than, oh, say, NYC. But, with the reopening, some people have reverted or turned to a greater level of fear. It’s hard to tell if they’re afraid of catching the Wuhan flu and dying, or if they are pretty sure Wuhan flu won’t kill them, but will leave them scarred for life. Or, if they even know what they’re arguing for.

Now, people who were pragmatic and skeptical about the lockdown and the reasons behind it, are freaking out at the talk of reopening. I was puzzled at first, but I think I may have figured it out (note, I said *may*. I will not presume to be telepathic). Many of these people were happy to play the devil’s advocate regarding lockdown, but now that the reopening is actually happening, they’re reacting as if their biggest bluff has been called. They were comfortable when they and everybody else was restricted in movement. But, now, with things opening back up and people chafing to get out and back to some semblance of a normal life, they feel like they’re the only ones left who are worried. And, nobody likes being the only one on one side of an argument. So they’re bringing out the big guns to try to get people back into the fold.

The problem with this is that now they’re doing what they’ve railed against previously. They are trying to tell the rest of us that *we* have to adhere to *their* rules because they don’t want to be the only ones following those rules. I’m not sure why the sudden panic about disease when that has not been a primary concern prior to about yesterday. Like I said, the only thing I can figure is that suddenly they’re the last ones left and they never saw everybody else leave. So, they’re mad at the rest of us and getting defensive.

You may ask, how am I arriving at these conclusions? Well, my data source is the purely biased, anecdotal data from Facebook. I kinda sorta monitor my feed for these sorts of things. The kerfuffle over how to reopen has dissolved into a giant kerfuffle into whether each individual action within each step is wise. There’s really nothing overall to fight against. After all, they want to reopen things as well. Again, based on my own personal anecdotal evidence (which does not mean it’s wrong), they seem to like the idea of opening in the abstract, but are extremely fearful in the actual.

I’m still puzzled by all this fear. I guess the media has done a good job in stoking it. But, I am constantly amazed at how easy it is to drive out the ability to think clearly. I mean, any semi-rational individual can see that the information we’ve been getting changes rapidly. The rules/guidelines/regulations are less than useful after about two days (and that’s being generous). So, why can’t people follow that? I’m not sure, but I think it may have to do with several factors. The ability to take care of yourself, if you can work from home, that means you can easily avoid others (leaving out that your grocery delivery person is risking their health for you), and you can just hunker down.

All of this completely ignores those who cannot work from home. They’re the ones who need/want to go back to work. So, why do people not see that? How blindered are they?

I’m not sure. All I know is what I said before. Protect the vulnerable populations, wash your hands, sneeze into your elbow, and fucking stay home if you’re sick. I will wash my hands before I come visit you. If you wish me to wear a mask I will do so and sit or stand 6 feet away from you. But you cannot expect me to do the same with every other person. Your requests are not theirs. We are more risk-acceptant than you. Deal.

We need to just open back up and let the Karens fall where they may. Life is risky. Don’t expect me to adjust to your acceptable level of risk and I won’t expect the same of you. We’re all gonna die. Just have a ton of fun between now and then.

Image by Oleksandr Pyrohov from Pixabay

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Fear and Karen-ing

The other day I wrote about fear and how it limits us and how we all have to take steps to avoid becoming crippled by fear. This has been on my mind a lot over the last week or so. We have to allow ourselves to think clearly and recognize that life is inherently risky; as adults we take on risk to a level at which we’re comfortable. The problem with disease of course is that the risk I take can put someone else at risk. That’s where taking responsibility for your own actions comes in. If I have family and/or friends in a high risk category, then of course I am going to take what precautions I must before visiting them. That’s only sensible. I also expect those caring for vulnerable populations to take responsibility for protecting those populations…without destroying the rest of us. We have gotten to a point where, somehow, it’s been decided that the only way to protect vulnerable populations is to halt all motion. This is self-destructive. Despite what the media is trying to cram down our throats, coming out of lockdown is not a zero-sum game. In other words, opening back up does not equal certain death.

But there’s another phenomenon that I’ve noticed lately. That is the more subtle, less open “Karen-ing” many are engaging in. Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you know that a “Karen” is someone who demands to speak with a manager whenever things do not go her way. In the era of the Wuhan flu, this has come to include those who call out others for not “obeying” the rules of lockdown…wearing a mask at all times, staying six feet apart, playing on a playground, etc. These individuals take great pride in calling authorities to report what they know to be serious wrongdoing. What I’ve started noticing is the implicit Karen-ing that is happening on social media. I’m not talking about the virtue signaling of posting selfies with you in your mask, or commenting on a photo of the unmasked with comments like “What? No mask?” No, I’m talking about the cutting comments made about posts that may raise questions, or present possible alternate solutions, or question methodologies. This kind of Karen-ing is done via the “well, I’m certainly taking medical advice from amateur epidemiologists” sneering, condescending remark. These comments are as all Karen-ing is, designed to shame the poster or previous commenter into doing a 180 or deleting the post, or otherwise taking a public walk of self-shame.

The reality is that those doing the Karen-ing are shouting out their fear and demanding that the rest of us share in that fear. In all likelihood they are not doing it purposefully. However, given that humans are supremely social animals and have a strong desire to be accepted, there is a voice in the back of their head that is telling them that in order to remain an acceptable member of the group, they must aid in casting out those who question any and all premises the group is founded on.

Try this thought experiment:

Many people are afraid of dogs. They don’t own a dog and they don’t like being around dogs. If they have friends with dogs, those friends usually confine the dog when the dog-fearing are visiting. Or, they visit elsewhere without the dog.

Dog owners do not demand that the dog-fearing get a dog and spend all their time with it.

Nor do the dog-fearing demand that nobody own dogs so that they may go through life never having to face a dog.

Where am I going with this?

If you’re afraid to go out and interact with people under any circumstances, fine. Stay home. Do what you feel necessary.

HOWEVER, do not, under any circumstances, presume to think that I share your fears. If we are friends, trust that I care about you and will respect your wishes when it comes to your personal safety and that of your family. And, understand that I will not accept your strictures on the part of my life that does not involve you.

Opening up the economy is necessary so that we ALL may live and do so with less fear about straight-up survival. It is NOT about us wanting to kill of all old people, or poor people, or people of color (in fact, continued lockdown will eventually kill poor people if you don’t let them work…). The government can indeed hand out more money (which will eventually, and quickly, lose value), but the government cannot make the things you will need to buy with that money (TP, food, gas, pencils).

So, stay home. Work from home. Wear a mask all day, every day. That’s fine with me. But (and here’s the catch) STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME SHARE YOUR FEAR. And for God’s sake, stop being a Karen! Nobody likes a Karen.

I’ll be over here with my dog (when I get one). On the beach. Without a mask.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

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Fear

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.


–Frank Herbert, Dune

The Bene Gesserit litany against fear is something that has (sort of) stuck with me ever since I first read Dune. I say “sort of” because I never memorized the whole thing, but I did remember enough to remind myself to not let fear overwhelm me and remove my ability to think and act.

This pandemic and lockdown we’re going through right now has brought this litany back to me once more. I do not consider myself a particularly brave person, but I also like to think that I can face things that might be scary or frightening and still manage to function. Lucky for me, I was correct in my self-assessment. While stories about the spread and destruction of COVID-19 have multiplied faster than the virus has managed to infect people, I believe that I have maintained my cool.

This does not mean I am not concerned about the virus. However, I am becoming more concerned about the economic and other destruction that is being wrought in the name of keeping us free from this illness. The information is confusing, conflicting, and constantly changing (how’s that for alliteration?) Masks are for all; masks should be worn by those showing symptoms; masks are not necessary; wear masks any time you leave your house, even in your own car…you are never immune, oh, wait, yes, those were false positives; it will die down in the heat and humidity of summer…no, it won’t. It will come back worse than before…it will come back less than before…

You get the point. A law in physics says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. It seems that in the case of media and government bureaucracy reporting, for every report there is an equal and opposite report. What the hell do you do?

Well, I’ve decided that panic and fear are not going to be in my list of possible reactions. I’m watching friends, who are intelligent people, react in outright fear to any suggestion that the economy should open back up. I had a colleague say, with complete sincerity, that she didn’t think that students should be getting jobs at McDonald’s because that was “just too dangerous”. She then amended that to say, of course, if they needed the money…good grief. There is an absolute lack of understanding as to how the economy and supply chains work. I guarantee, these will be among the first people to lament the lack of food in stores and yet still fail to understand how that happened.

First off, reasonable people should be able to realize that the virus, no matter what we’ve heard about lethality, rapidity of contagion, droplets, etc. is NOT hanging around in clouds just waiting for us unsuspecting humans to walk out of the house and into a virulent cloud of infection. Really, it’s not. If you or someone you know is vulnerable, stay home, wear a mask when you go out, avoid sick people. These are things that immune compromised people have been doing for years…most of them quite successfully. If you are sick…stay the fuck home and don’t drag your sorry ass to work no matter how important you think your presence is; we’ve all done that and it’s stupid. It’s how common colds (a corona virus) float around offices. Why do you think daycares tell parents of sick kids that they cannot drop the kid off at daycare? Why do you think daycares are petri dishes of every random illness known to man? If your kid is sick, keep ’em home. But, because YOU are sick, that does not mean I have to stay home for fear of catching it. It is incumbent on YOU to take precautions not to infect others. If I am vulnerable, it is incumbent on ME to take precautions. It is not incumbent on the whole fucking world to protect you or me.

This is a rambling post, but fear is a rambling thing, I think. Again, I don’t think I’m fearful. Rather, I am concerned. Concerned about food supply chains in the immediate and near future, about the economy tanking so badly it takes a decade or more to get back to where we were in January (hard to believe that four short months ago we were at the top of our game), about mental health issues in general, about possible riots and other unrest as governors tighten the screws just as things seem to be waning.

A protest today around City Hall (or as many locals call it Shitty Hall), was met by counter-protestors several of whom held signs and banners saying “Reopening = Death”. Really? You believe we can stay closed permanently? That demonstrates a complete lack of understanding not only of epidemiology (I’m fairly certain they haven’t been out protesting against business as usual during previous flu seasons or during H1N1 or SARS or Ebola) but also of economics and how life and society depends on being able to do business. The government can give you money, yes, but it cannot make food or toilet paper. Only businesses can do that. And, many of those, and those in their supply chains, are closed. What good is government money if there is nothing to buy with it?

We need to overcome our fear of dying, our fear of illness, our fear of life. We need to recognize that people die. And, please. None of this means I or anybody else advocating for reopening WANTS people to die. What we want is to be given a chance to work towards preventing MORE deaths and preventing more AVOIDABLE deaths. Every death is a tragedy for family and friends. But, believe it or not, the world does not, and cannot, shut down for every single death (and trust me…when my father died I was shocked to walk out of the hospital and find people laughing…did they not understand what had just happened??) Fear of death cannot be allowed to overcome and obliterate everything we do.

Do not let fear become total obliteration.

Face your fear.

Let it pass over and through you.

In the end, only you remain.

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

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Offensensitivity

That’s a word invented by Burke Breathed the creator of Bloom County. Some people are just super easy to offend. They’re just looking to be offended. They are also usually extremely clueless and lacking self-awareness. They have a great deal of offensensitivity and excel in looking for and finding offense in almost everyone and everything they encounter. These individuals often post quotes and memes that are designed to show that they “know” what is going on in the world. They are aware and are on to the rest of us. They’re not going to be fooled. What they fail to recognize is that they may in fact be describing themselves and their refusal to see any other arguments. One of my FB friends, who also happens to be an old high school friend, posted a quote/meme from George Orwell:

The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.

I know the political leanings of this friend so I know that this was meant to be a dig at Trump and Republicans. I pointed out that perhaps they should consider that they are the ones hating those who speak the truth, rather than those speaking the truth. Of course, I immediately got challenged. Surprisingly for me, I remained calm and simply pointed out that perhaps they were the ones not listening. I was told that was not possible because “everyone knows” that Trump never speaks the truth. Ah. OK, then.

Stupidly perhaps, I then said, well, being trained in counter-factuals or what-ifs, I was simply pointing out the danger of assuming that you are not the one doing the hating of truth tellers. I’m now being challenged with the usual “well, I guess I’m just stupid, so please, do enlighten me, I’m not trained” extremely sarcastic and over the top language designed to goad. I’ve decided not to respond since seriously, if you can’t figure out what is meant by a “what-if scenario” then you really are refusing to listen, and yes you are the one doing the hating.

I have become so much better over the last few years at ignoring the inflammatory on FB, but sometimes it’s so over-the-top that I simply can’t help myself. I need to quit doing that. It’s not that I’m afraid to lose friends (I haven’t seen most of thees folks in decades and got along fine before they reentered my life via FB.). It’s that I simply don’t want to expend the energy engaged in all things political. I need to spend energy on school/work stuff and I want to spend energy on writing. Getting caught up in ridiculous arguments on social media is simply a colossal waste of time. Nobody really wants to engage in any type of discussion, they simply want to inform you of how stupid and unenlightened you are. Clearly, I know this and yet I still manage to ignore that small voice in my head that says, no let it go, and engage. I gotta figure out a way to make that voice louder.

So, in the end, I will not be returning to that thread. Let them think I don’t have an answer, let my former high school friend unfriend me. It’s immaterial at this point. I’m gong to continue to post those things I find to be interesting or funny or poignant and that’s the end of that.

Pretty good self-assessment if I do say so myself (see what I did there? didja? Huh? Huh?) Anyway, paying attention to what I tell myself and avoiding self-induced stress (arguing with people on FB is the definition of self-induced stress!) will lead to a happier, healthier me.

So, go figure out what you want to spend energy on. Make sure it’s something that makes you happy and not stressed out. My totally obvious words of wisdom for this week.

Image by MoteOo from Pixabay

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Brexit, the End Times, & being honest with yourself

So Brexit (the exit of the United Kingdom from the European Union) became official at 11pm UK time last night. Shockingly, the rest of the world, including the rest of the EU, did not stop turning. Life went on. Yes, there are a number of details that will have to be hashed out, and trade agreements etc. will need to be revisited, revised, and reissued. However, all of these things are activities that happen every day all around the world. Countries are always revisiting such agreements and updating them to take into account changing circumstances. Nothing new there.

I texted my brother this morning (he lives in Ireland) and received confirmation that the sun rose and the sky did not fall, contrary to the dire predictions coming out of the EU and Remainers in the UK. Boris Johnson gave what I consider to be a good speech on this historic moment. You can watch that here and judge for yourself. Contrary to a large portion of media generated opinion Johnson is not the buffoon they portray him to be (OK, so he needs to figure out a new haircut, but that is not indicative of intelligence or political savvy). And, now, most importantly, he’s delivered on his promises. That delivery stands in stark contrast to David Cameron and Theresa May. The virulent rhetoric coming out of the EU also suggests to me that that body stands to lose more from the exit of the UK than the UK does by exiting. It will be educational and interesting to see how this all plays out.

As Johnson noted in his speech, there will be bumps in the road ahead. Some of them will appear to be large and scary. But moving forward is the only way you get anywhere. To borrow a mantra from the Marines, improvise, adapt, overcome. Here in the U.S. we are seeing something similar. The loud wailing and gnashing of teeth from the left regarding the expected acquittal vote in the Senate on Trump’s impeachment is because they see their control over US politics and culture slipping. They are lashing out in an effort to scare the public back in line and silence those who are publicly pointing out their flaws. The heated and violent-filled rhetoric says more about the speakers than it does about those to whom it is directed.

The same goes here in the US. The impeachment was not the answer. The Senate trial is not the end of the world. In fact I argue that the entire process was far more harmful than anything else the Democrats in Congress could have dreamt up. The screams about shredding the Constitution are a diversion from their own attempts to do just that. Do not buy the rhetoric. If you dislike and disagree with Trump. Find a viable presidential candidate and vote for that person. Honestly, right now, contra all public assertions in support of diversity, etc. the Democratic field is a swath of nothing but old, white candidates. Think about that contrast for a moment. There are rumors that the super-delegates in the D party hierarchy will be persuaded to cut out Sanders (who’s ahead as of today) and replace him with Clinton. If you want instructions on how to destroy your own political party there are no better examples than the Democrats in the US and Labour in the UK. Good luck with that.

You know, in 2016 I was relieved that Hillary lost but I was very uncertain what it would mean to have a Trump presidency. Now, I find myself happy with the outcome and ready to vote for him this year. That is heresy to many people. But, I will remind everybody, that you can only be a heretic if you are going against the teachings of a church you belong to. I never belonged to this current socialist vision of how things should be. So, I cannot be a heretic. Rabble-rouser, rebel against the prevailing norms, yes. Heretic no. Politics is not and should not be a religion.

Every belief should be questioned, examined, and analyzed. If, despite the flaws you find, you still find that belief to be the best for you, good. You have thoroughly accepted it despite its flaws. If, on the other hand, you refuse to examine your beliefs, spend a great deal of time shouting them at people who question you and them, and generally stick your fingers in your ears chanting “la la la I can’t hear you” then you are spouting things that deep in the center of your being you know to be flawed and perhaps even downright wrong. Yet for a variety of reasons (social acceptance, fear of thinking for yourself, dislike of personal responsibility) you refuse to disavow those beliefs. In doing this, you are a hypocrite.

Intelligent, honest critical thinkers have no fear of examining even strongly held beliefs. They understand the risks to their belief system but prefer the honesty.

Be analytical, think critically, and be honest with yourself.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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New year, new decade

The second decade of the 21st century is ending (yes, I’m aware of the whole 19 vs. 20, 9 vs. 0 thing. I go with 0 is the lowest number, therefore 9 is the last of the decade). As we enter this third decade I am looking forward to a number of changes both big and small. I will start my full-time writing career this year. I will leave academia this year. We will move to a different place this year. Those are the big changes. And, they are quite big. And stressful. But, full of adventure and potential!

I have spent a fair amount of time this past year assessing and evaluating my life, my attitude, and my desires. Discovering that not only can I write fiction, but that I like to write it, and I’m actually pretty good at it has been eye-opening and mind-blowing. I have loved this kind of story as long as I can remember. I’m the kid who went through the children’s section of the library faster than the librarians could keep up. I discovered all those color fairy tale books…Red Fairy Tale Book, Yellow Fairy Tale Book, etc. I headed for the YA section as an elementary school kid. I ate up the science fiction, swords and sorcery, urban fantasy, etc. I loved thinking about how one would create such worlds, what kind of stories would happen in those worlds. I never thought I had enough ideas and creativity to actually create and write stories in those worlds.

Now, in middle age (OK, fine. Late middle age. Whatever), I am creating not one, but several different worlds, and dreaming up stories in those worlds. This is loads of fun! I wish I’d known about this before. But, then, I would not have taken the path that I have, and I know for certain that I would not have had the courage to let anybody read anything, never mind submit something for publication. I know now this is what I want to do and that I can do it and that I will be successful. I’m a much stronger person now then I was even a decade ago.

Heading into this new decade, I’m feeling almost like I’m a new person. I no longer care about the criticisms of people who are not close to me and not supportive of anything I do, unless that something is on a path or trajectory they approve of. I’ve removed several toxic people from my life. I’m publicly taking stands on things and some of those stands are not popular with a number of people who probably now consider me a “former friend.” Whatever. I prefer friends with whom I can vehemently disagree, discuss issues, and then go and have a wonderful time at dinner. I’m making sure that the people who are in my life are people I know have my back and I have theirs.

I’m starting my new year by traveling with students. If that doesn’t test strength I don’t know what will! I hope everybody has a great new year’s eve, and a strong start to the new year and the new decade!

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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Strange days indeed

Strange in a good way, I should add. I was taking care of a couple of things when I realized that I was not as stressed out as I should be. I mean, I’m putting together two syllabi for three classes, I’m reading about EU sanctions on Iran and Russia, I’m leaving on Wednesday for Belgium with students. We’ll be there for 10 days. We get back on a Saturday and classes start on Monday. I should be completely stressed and racing around like the proverbial headless chicken. But…I’m not. I’m weirdly calm. I mean I like it, but it’s weird. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way at this time of year before. Friends always say, “Gee, must be nice to have four weeks off between semesters. Wish I got that.” What they don’t realize is that in that four weeks I have to grade and finish all the previous classes, write the syllabi and prep all the classes for the spring, deal with committee work (yes, that continues through the break), and in my case, lose a week to 10 days shepherding students around Europe. Oh, and my own research.

So, it’s not really a “vacation” in the sense that I get to sit around, read fiction, binge watch whatever, and take nice long walks. I do those things every now and then, but after I’ve done about 6+ hours of research/prep/committee stuff. I’m not complaining, just pointing out that it’s not all bonbons and soap operas. So, why am I so relaxed this year compared to other years? What’s going on? I had to think about this.

I am not doing research. At least not political or work-related research. I am doing research for a book I want to write. But, I’m not doing my usual political parties in Serbia research. I’m not worried about getting something out, past the reviewers, and hopefully in a journal by the end of 2020. And, doing all that so I can show it to my colleagues and have them nod and smile. I really am over this. I still like to know what’s going on in the Balkan corner of the world. I just don’t want my world to be required to revolve around it.

Starting next week you will see responses to prompts here. I’m participating in a group to create and respond to writing prompts in order to hone the craft and maybe get ideas. At the least, to make sure I’m stretching that creative muscle on a somewhat regular basis.

I’m enjoying my busy, but less-stressed-than-expected last few days of 2019. I hope everybody has a good end to 2019 and is looking forward to an adventurous and fun-filled 2020.

Image by 1980supra from Pixabay

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Merry Christmas!

The photo for this entry is Max the (reluctant) Christmas cat. He’s not exactly thrilled about things draped around him and on his head, but he’s a generally good sport. He’s not a tree climber either which is a pleasant surprise. He did trample through the wrapping debris earlier, but mostly in a desire to see what was floating around. Now, he’s sleeping on the blanket I keep on the sofa just for him. One of my New Year’s resolutions will be to learn to nap like a cat; in other words, become a professional napper!

We went to a friend’s house for Christmas dinner. It’s become a tradition for the years we spend Christmas in Philly. It’s always a fun mixed crowd and tonight was no exception. Lots of good food, good company, and good natured fights over music. Only one guy was a bit full of himself and wanted to make sure we all knew our history, and could conduct his form of political analysis. I did go after him a bit, but not much. Told him I don’t like getting cut off. He said he wanted to talk more, I said no, thanks. I knew how it was going to go and I wasn’t interested in rehashing straw arguments. His witty comeback “Oh, yes. You know me so well” in what was meant to be biting sarcasm. I said, no, I don’t have to. I know your type and I’m not interested in dealing with it on Christmas day. He apologized for making me feel “devalued.” I just laughed and kept piling food up on my plate. He then tried to make nice and act like nothing happened. So, I went along. I think he was disconcerted that I refused to get upset by his attempt to show how morally superior he was. Also that I got backing from some of the others in the room. Who he knows pretty well. Kinda funny.

That little contretemps made me realize that I can actually have these arguments, that I can stand up without having an emotional meltdown or even a partial one, and that I no longer get upset with myself. I do think I won that round and I’m good with that. The rest of the evening was fun and I enjoyed seeing several people I hadn’t seen in a while.

Altogether a good Christmas. Tomorrow, I start back in on syllabi and trip planning stuff. Yay. Oh, well. It has to happen and if I do it now, I will be much happier when I get back with only one day before classes begin. And, I need to do some of my own writing. This cold has knocked me out and made it difficult for my brain to function. I guess I really needed the down time. I did manage to do some reading and pay attention to pacing etc. while i was reading, so I got that going for me…

Anyway, back to a schedule (of my own choosing) tomorrow. I hope everybody (pick your holiday): 1) had a good Christmas, 2) is having an enjoyable Hanukkah, and 3) will have a happy Kwanza.

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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

The semester is over. I only have three more papers to read. Grades are due at noon on Tuesday. This is my list of things that *have* to happen. Writing for my own benefit will come in between for the next couple days and then I will do it in between working on the syllabi for the spring semester classes. I really am not good at winding completely different jobs together. But then, the day job is annoying the ever-loving crap out of me, so that will be the primary reason for my procrastination this week. Of course, the grade deadline is a hard deadline, so yes, I will get that done. Fortunately, the two syllabi are for classes I’ve taught before, so they just need to be updated. That won’t take that long.

We wandered around the city quite a bit today buying a couple of Christmas gifts and looking at the lights and decorations and then hitting up the Christmas Village in Love Park. Went through our neighborhood which has changed (for the better) dramatically over the 15 years we’ve lived here. It’s a lot of fun to walk around and realize that there are busy restaurants and cool stores where there used to be abandoned buildings or empty lots. Today was also the Army-Navy game so there were and are tons of visitors in town for the game. It’s also the day of the ever-popular Santa Stumble. Lots of people wearing Santa or elf costumes/outfits and wandering from bar to bar. Put them together with the Army/Navy fans and the regular Philly denizens and you get a very interesting mix.

It did give me a couple of story ideas, so I’m going to scribble up some outlines and see where they take me. I also realized that I have to go back to Book #2 and create an outline for that. I am stuck and trying to figure out where this is going. Same thing for Book #3. Also gotta work on this short story I want to submit and which is due in February. And, then, we have to address and mail Christmas cards. So much for a break between semesters!

OK, off to work and making dinner. Take care of yourselves and do your best to keep those stress levels low as we move toward the height of the holiday season.

Stay sane inside insanity!

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A leap of faith

I am a total procrastinator. I can find a TON of things to do before those things I’m supposed to do. There’s a reason it took me three years to finish my dissertation (well, procrastination and an evil committee chair). But, you get my point. I like fiction writing, but now I’m finding that I’m engaging in the same procrastination behaviors. And, I think I’ve figured out why (so far, it’s not the cat keeping me pinned…that should be helping). I think it’s because moving to writing full time is a freaking huge leap. A leap of faith. And, those are extremely difficult to make. So, I make the excuse that I have to make sure none of my students have turned something in within the last five minutes, or that I need to check the department’s Facebook page just to make sure that announcement got posted…and then I spend an hour wandering around FB.

So, why do I do this? Again, this gigantic, scary, life-altering leap of faith. If I actually complete my current short story, that means I have to submit it. And, strangers will read it. And some of them won’t like it. And, and, and…. It’s not that I haven’t published stuff before. I have. But that was research stuff. Stuff that could be backed up, supported etc. Not stuff that was just straight out of my imagination. Not things that other people might find weird, or uninteresting (OK, so research is only interesting to a small pool of people, but that’s the pool I was writing to). I know the pool I’m writing to now, and it’s much, much bigger.

So, here I am with a cat trying to pin me to the sofa, writing this blog, and avoiding working on the short story and on Book #2 in the series. I even went for a walk this morning which always makes me feel better. Luckily for my procrastination proclivities, somebody just went down to the basement and put in a load of laundry. That means, I can’t use laundry as an excuse to not write. At least not now. Guess I’ll just have to write. I will admit that writing this does help get me in the right mindset for writing.

The semester is effectively over. The papers for my largest class are not due until Wednesday night at midnight. I’m already planning on going in to the office on Thursday to take care of grading those and hopefully getting the senior research projects taken care of as well. Grades are due next Tuesday, so I’ll turn those in Monday evening (cuts down on the constant whinging and grubbing for better grades). Thus, I have no excuse for not writing (didn’t I say that already?) Plus, it’s raining. Stay in and write.

OK, I’m off to write. I really am going to do this. I keep telling myself I’m taking this life-changing direction. That I’m leaving academia. That I’m going to write for a living. So, I’d better actually take that leap of faith.

Here I go!