Memorial Day

Contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, Memorial Day is not the same thing as Veteran’s Day. Veteran’s Day is the day we honor those who have served (and we’ve added those who are currently serving). Memorial Day is the day we honor and remember those who gave their lives for this country or who, having served with honor, have passed away.

I am an Army brat. I used to say that as something of a joke or an explanation for some tic or habit that I had. Now, it’s something I’m truly proud of. I have not served in the military, but I grew up in it and developed a deep and abiding respect for it and those who choose to join. Many of my students are ROTC cadets. When they find out I’m an Army brat they tend to relax a bit more around me; I have an understanding of and respect for what they’re doing.

On Sunday (yesterday), we went up to Washington Crossing National Cemetery where my parents are buried. National cemeteries are sobering on the most ordinary of days. They are doubly so on Memorial Day weekend. There were far more people up there than on other days we’ve visited. And flags lined the drive into the cemetery and through it.

Every time I visit, I am reminded about how much I miss my parents. My dad died in 2013 and my mom died in 2016. My dad died from a heart attack brought on by the stress of caring for my mother and then, right before he died, the stress brought on by my sociopathic cousin. She tried to take him for all he’s worth both financially and emotionally. Needless to say, I don’t speak to her any longer.

On Memorial Day I put out my little flag and remember my father and all the others who have passed on having completed or in the middle of their service to our country. It doesn’t, or it shouldn’t, matter when, where, or why they served. They did and we honor them for it.

Photo by Becky Jones, 2019. Washington Crossing National Cemetery

Writing Weather

What the ever loving hell? Where’s my May weather? It’s been rainy and freaking COLD! It doesn’t even feel like spring. I’m dragging my warm jackets back out again. I need sunshine and warmth! Multiple days in a row of this crap have me wondering why I ever left California in the first place. I know, I know, job, career, yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m cold! In May! This sucks.

On the other hand, these kinds of days are conducive to sitting inside writing and reading. I wrote another 500+ words on something that sprang into my head this morning. I’m still editing and adding to what was “Campus Coven” and is now “Academic Magic” ( © 2019 Becky R. Jones ) , I have another fantasy series half started and a couple more ideas. It’s fun letting my mind wander like this. I’m discovering a creative side that I’ve tapped into once or twice in my life with good results, but never figured it was an ongoing thing. Now, I’m tapping in on purpose, rather than simply when prompted by circumstance (class assignments such as poetry class or art projects in high school, or costume drawings in college). I found a whole well of stories, characters, places, and ideas that I never knew existed. Now, I have to make a plan for accessing them and bringing these stories to light.

The other side of all of this is to turn it into a money-making business. Writing is all well and good, but sitting poverty-stricken in a garret pounding out prose on an old Remington typewriter just doesn’t work. And, pimping oneself out to publishers and editors is not something I’d be any good at (I tend to get snarky fast when people get condescending…see for example, my unspoken, yet nasty, responses to academic peer-reviewers). But, with technology and the internet, one can self-publish (what used to be called “vanity press” because if a reputable publishing house didn’t accept your book, clearly self-publishing indicated a type of vanity on your part) and get your work on Amazon and Barnes and Noble very easily. Yes, you have to market yourself and your writing, but to me, that’s not difficult. I may soon be proven wrong, but I know that I can do this. Life as an academic has taught me that more people than you might think are simply winging it in life. They’re doing the “fake it ’til you make it” routine. And many of them are doing it quite successfully.

Another thing I learned in academia is that good writing is a learned skill and it gets better with practice. I know my writing has improved greatly over the last 20 years and I know it will continue to improve. This blog is one way that I’m using to make sure I write on a regular basis. No, it’s not fiction, but it is a means of putting thoughts on paper and insuring those thoughts are (somewhat) coherent.

On that note, here’s the bit that struck me this morning (please excuse all typos, misspellings, and grammar errors):

I hate space. Hate it with a passion that burns as hot as space is cold. Everything. The potential for instant excruciating death by suffocation, the claustrophobia of a ship, never mind a space suit. In short, I have no desire to ever set foot in space, so to speak. Which of course, clearly explains why I was currently suited up, drifting on a tether outside of the small ship attempting to lock down a grav-gyro. Right now, the claustrophobia of the space suit was preferable to the random, out-of-control wobble of the ship. A couple more turns of the wrench secured the annoying grav-gyro.

I hit the commlink. “OK, Scott. How’s that?”

“Good. C’mon back, babe,” came the response.

Scott O’Brien was the shuttle captain and my husband. He was also the primary reason I was in space. I loved him more than I hated space. Plus, this trip was my first and last. We were headed to a new planet that promised far fewer people, more open land, and a hell of a lot less governmental and corporate interference than Terra One.

We’d both been born and raised on Terra One, the first of a series of planets terraformed and inhabited by early colonists from the original Earth. But, as with Earth, Terra One had become over-developed and filled with over-zealous bureaucrats who had nothing better to do than interfere in the lives of citizens. A year ago, we had made the decision to leave Terra One. It really wasn’t a difficult decision. Both sets of parents were gone, Scott was an only child and I had quit speaking to my sister as a result of my parent’s deaths about 10 years earlier.

Since Scott was an experienced, licensed interplanetary pilot, we were permitted to purchase a small ship capable of faster-than-light travel. A year’s worth of training had brought me to the point where I was able to pass all the tests for a junior first-mate on a ship the size of ours. So, I found myself floating in deep space, fixing a grav-gyro. Everything I hated in one fun, gift-wrapped package. How lucky could a girl get. Have I mentioned that I hate space and everything associated with it?

As I waited for the airlock to cycle, I amazed myself by thinking that I really was lucky. I was married to a man I loved to distraction and we had a new life opening before us. The lock finished cycling and I opened the inner door and stepped back into the ship. As I pulled my helmet and gloves off, Scott came down the passageway, smiling.

“Good job, babe! Miranda O’Brien, badass space mechanic! You could get a great job on one of the big freighters,” he laughed.

“Hmmm. Let me think about that. No.” I laughed with him. He knew perfectly well what it had taken for me to suit up and head out there. It wasn’t that I didn’t have confidence in my repair skills, it was the strength it took to tamp down the massive panic attack every time I put on a suit and left the ship that threatened to derail even the most rudimentary tasks.

Thanks for reading!

Reaching the finish line

Grading is DONE! Let the whinging begin! Well, I haven’t submitted final grades yet, and I won’t until about 24 hours before they’re due. It cuts down on the whinging. That’s when I also put on the “out of office” auto-reply on my email.

I’ve already had one request for an improved grade with the addition of post-semester extra credit. Really? After the semester is over you’re asking for extra credit? If you’re so worried about your scholarship, perhaps that should have been a consideration…oh, I don’t know…at the beginning of the semester? Maybe? Then I had one question as to whether the grade included the legit extra credit. Then I had one request for permission for late submission of a reflection paper. That one, if I had to guess, is fear of losing the ROTC scholarship. All of that is prior to final grades getting posted. We use Canvas, a so-called “learning management system” for classes. It allows for electronic submission, embedding videos, etc. It also shows grades and it calculates the current grade for students. So, when I posted the results for their last exam, they all figured that what Canvas calculated was their final grade. This, even though they know that is not the final grade. It may be close, but that’s not it.

Oh, well. It’s done. I’ll go back intermittently to do some spring cleaning of my office. I’ve been doing it on an off for the last week or so and finding absolute relics of stuff! 20-year old overheads! Overheads! Grad school papers, and today, draft copies of my dissertation. Oh, joy. It’s all getting recycled. Next week I tackle the filing cabinet! Pray for me!

So, for the rest of the week, I’m writing, editing, and reading. My own stuff, not freshman writing. My stress levels are already considerably lower. The prospect of another beer garden outing on Saturday makes it all even better!

Go do things that make you happy!

Friday Morning Thoughts: Writing

This writing thing is a lot of fun! It’s also a lot of work, but I’m really enjoying the process of figuring it all out, creating stories, getting those stories on the page and knowing that people enjoy my stories (I’ve actually showed them to people not my husband and they like them! They really, really like them! OK, done channeling Sally Fields.) Writing this blog is also fun, even though I’m not here as often as I feel like I should be and would like to be. Honestly, I sometimes forget I started this.

I finished with all my teaching responsibilities yesterday and now I’m looking forward to uninterrupted writing time, minus a few hours next week when I’m grading exams and calculating final grades. Beyond that, my time is now truly my own. If this whole new direction thing is going to work, I have to put my butt in my chair, or at least a chair, and write. I did discover last summer that while trying to write research at a coffee shop does not work for me, it does work for writing fiction. I can totally do the hipster laptop and latte in a coffee house thing. Who knew?

The plan is to get the first chapter of my book up here in the next couple of months. I’m working on a cover and editing it right now. I hope it’s not too presumptuous of me to think that the occasional reader who stops by here will also decide to read it. I am optimistic, but then, as I’m discovering, that’s not a bad thing (as my ornery blog name might suggest, I tend toward the cynical).

My other plan is to write something here at least twice a week, if not more often. I don’t want to get too angsty, but I will be writing about life issues, writing issues, and anything else that pops into my head. Perhaps even politics (it is my field after all). We’ll see.

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Sitting around on a Saturday

It’s the Saturday of Easter weekend. We don’t really celebrate Easter besides going to a friend’s house for Easter dinner on Sunday. But in Spring, with its general theme of renewal I usually end up thinking about new beginnings and new paths. I realize this has been a repeated theme itself here, but change and new paths have been on my mind for several months now. I am finding myself spending more time with my fiction writing which I consider to be not only a good thing, but a great thing. While there might be a whole new life waiting for me out there somewhere, it’s not going to introduce itself unless I show that I’m willing to have some skin in the game. My mind is set on leaving academia at the end of this semester. Our plan is to be elsewhere this summer. Where that “elsewhere” might be is up in the air right now. But, it will be further west.

Moving, changing, shifting, leaving, arriving, coming, going. All very active verbs and all very human verbs. I think that humans are the only species that can deliberately make decisions with a degree of forethought (if I do x, y will happen. But, if I instead do a, I’m not sure what will happen. What the hell. Go for it.) We have a great deal of control over our own lives, assuming we decide to control them. Some people do seem to simply sit back and let life happen to them. Most of these people are not viewed as successful. They’re not necessarily losers or *unsuccessful,* they’re rather just OK. They get by.

Others make partial attempts at control while making sure they don’t move outside of what are viewed as the accepted norms. They are often viewed as successful within a specific frame of reference, more happy than not, but also feel like something is missing. Often that feeling is put down to factors that are viewed as beyond their control. Work, family, money, etc. Oftentimes they have a nagging feeling that they should be, could be doing more. This will sometimes result in a flurry of projects at work and/or at home designed to move up in both places (“if I can get that promotion, I’ll feel much better about things”, “If we do that renovation of the kitchen the house will be worth more and I’ll feel better about it”). Mostly successful, doing pretty good.

Then there are those who are obviously doing things their own way, charting their own course, and are not only wildly successful, but they are having a blast at the same time. They might or might not be viewed as eccentric, or as risk-takers. Often the risk-taking takes the form of a huge leap of faith at some point in their lives and careers. Even after achieving success in one field, they continue to take risks and act on faith that things will work out. Richard Branson, Elon Musk, and some others spring to mind. These people also worked like crazy to make their risks pay off.

If you’ve ever watched curling, you’ll know that after the stone is released the sweepers frantically clean the ice in front of the stone as it nears the target. I think of these wildly successful people as those sweepers. At one point they released the stone of their idea and then ran ahead with a broom (or whatever those things are called) and scrubbed the ice like crazy to make sure their idea reached some end point. Like curling, there’s a general direction to things, but somewhere in the general vicinity will usually do.

Until recently, I was in the second category of people. Considered mostly successful in my chosen field, in possession of an advanced degree, tenured faculty. I was (and still am) doing OK. Not great, but not failing. I’m doing pretty well. Get to do some fun things, get a lot of time to work on my own projects and research. Considered successful by many, including me (mostly). However, recently (since last fall really), circumstances have conspired to show me that I am not really happy and I am feeling trapped. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but as the fall semester ground along, I realized that there were other things I’d much rather be doing (writing), and that I could probably do them well, in fact very well. And, that I did not need to stay in academia in order to do them. Really, staying in academia would be harmful to those things. But, could I do this? Could I jump ship just like that?

I heard a phrase, “jump and the net will appear.” That absolutely struck a chord. Then, I did something I never would have thought possible…I bought and read a self-help book. I might have mentioned it before, it’s called You Are A Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero. Her advice is straightforward and blunt. Take risks. Jump. Just do it. Decide you’re going to do it and go. Quit sitting around worrying about the “how” or about what your mother/friends/family/co-workers will say and just go out and do whatever it is.

Then I read Scott Adams’ (of Dilbert fame) book, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big. He talks about having a system, not goals. In other words, get a job. Start looking around for the next one, take the opportunity when it presents itself. Rinse and repeat. Both books are low on fluffy crap and high on practical, kick-in-the-butt sorts of advice, which appeals to me.

Both books also got me thinking about risk-taking and what that entails. A shit-ton of work, a willingness to do that work while scared to death (or at least extremely nervous), and the knowledge (this is key), KNOWING everything will work out. I’m jumping. Hubby is jumping. We will be holding hands in the air while watching the net appear.

This is gonna be fun!

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

Snow day!

An unexpected day off is always nice. People here always freak out about snow, but I will admit to wishing and hoping last night for a day off today. Got my wish a little before 7pm. It does tangle things up for classes, but that’s OK. I’d rather have the day off.

I was going to write something about being able to do/plan as I wish, but I think I’m just going to go read and write and maybe do some work for classes tomorrow.

If you are not getting a snow day today, my condolences. If you are, enjoy it!

Friday Thoughts: Oops, I did it again

Totally didn’t get to my morning post. Still writing syllabi like a fiend. Oh, hey. What if a fiend really did write syllabi? What would those look like? Hmmmmm. Must. Work. On. Syllabi. Must. Not. Get. Distracted….

Seriously, back to work. More later.

Coddiwomple

This word popped up on my FB memories thingy today. “Coddiwomple” means to travel purposely towards an as-yet-unknown destination. This is perfect for 2019. I’m coddiwompling into the year! Whee! The definition is a little bit off, I do know where I want to end up, I’m just not sure, right now, how I’m going to get there yet. I’m writing (in fact, I need to get back to it as soon as I finish this post), and I’m creating a vision of how I want my life to look (found those ideas from this book by Jen Sincero, along with inspiration from Scott Adams). This is not to say you can sit on your butt dreaming and expect it all to fall into place before your very eyes. There is a lot of work involved. But, this is what I want, so the work is almost immaterial. I will look back in a year and say, yes. It is all worth it.

At the same time, this is a very scary thing to contemplate. I find myself saying things like “Well, if it doesn’t work, I/we can always do X”. And, I have to remind myself, that no. X is not an option, not if we want to move forward with our lives and into a new, more fun, and more in our control life. Writing this blog, and writing fiction are my new world or worlds. I have discovered a creative streak in myself that I never knew existed. Or, rather, I knew there was a little something there, but the über-practical voices of my mother and grandmother were always reminding me that one could not, and should not try, to make a living being creative. So, I threw my energy elsewhere. I threw it into education and into being an educator and a researcher. But, now, 25 or so years on, I’m realizing I’m not happy. In fact, my annoyance trigger is dangerously close to the surface. And, right behind the annoyance trigger is the “I don’t give a f*&%” trigger. This is not a good thing. Regardless of how I feel about my life right now, I don’t need to be going off on students and colleagues. Bad form, as my dad would say.

So, sitting here on Day 9 of 2019, I’m going to go for what promises to be a cold, very cold, windy, walk, and then come back and write, write, write. And, then squeeze in some class prep and syllabus work. And, then continue to coddiwomple!

Go coddiwomple!

Friday morning thoughts

I just saw a comment from a friend describing another comment as “self-induced terror.” I think that hits the nail on the head regarding some of the postings and comments I am seeing in my Facebook feed (clearly non-scientific, purely anecdotal evidence).  I’ve seen otherwise reasonable people scream in fear that gay marriage, access to abortion, minority rights, etc. are all going to be limited at best and destroyed at worst, with the worst case usually winning out in terms of what “will” happen.

Teaching college students about the basics of our political system makes me aware, perhaps more than most, of the gaps in their education when they arrive as freshmen.  High schools no longer require or often even offer civics classes, so many students do not have even a basic knowledge of how the system actually functions.  They are ripe for those whose purpose is to disseminate inaccurate or misleading information.  One glaring misunderstanding concerns the role and power of the Supreme Court.  The Court is an appellate court which means that it hears cases on appeal from a lower court.  Original jurisdiction covers arguments between states, between citizens and government, and the constitutionality of laws passed by Congress and Executive Orders issued by the President.  The Court cannot simply decide to overturn previous decisions on a whim.  The cries of “Roe v. Wade is gone!” are woefully ignorant and a nasty bit of fear-mongering.  Roe v. Wade is the law of the land; even the conservative justices will tell you that (even if they also tell you that they don’t like it).

Gay marriage is also not threatened.  Like it or not, the Court ruled that same-sex marriage is protected under the 14th Amendment.  And, while the conservative justices on the Court argued that this was a broad interpretation of the due process clause, they are not primed to overturn it; the decision was five to four and the four will abide by the decision.  In addition to the 14th Amendment argument, the full faith and credit clause protects same-sex marriage as it requires states to recognize marriages performed in other states as legal and valid.  Finally, the social culture of our country has shifted enough that most people support the idea of same-sex marriage on the basis that it’s really not their problem who somebody else marries.  Those that are opposed to it on religious grounds are entitled to believe that, and the 1st Amendment guarantees them the right to their own religious beliefs.  That belief does not mean they are homophobic and calling them that serves no purpose and does not persuade anybody that you are interested in any kind of reasonable discussion of issues (nor does deliberately provoking a negative response by asking Christian-owned bakeries and pizza joints to make food for weddings knowing they will refuse).

Minority rights in general are also not threatened.  The 15th Amendment, originally aimed at insuring African-Americans had the right to vote, states the “right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.” This covers all citizens regardless of race or ethnicity and cannot be changed by law; the 19th Amendment did the same for women.

So, remember, the Supreme Court justices cannot simply show up for work one day and say “Hey, it’s Tuesday…time to overturn rulings we don’t like!”

Yes, of course, there are individuals who are determined to make this country subservient to their twisted world views. The best course of action against those groups and individuals is to allow them to be heard (free speech is hardest when it’s speech you disagree with, but that is when the concept is the most important) and allow everybody to know exactly what they stand for; that usually significantly lowers their appeal.  The saying “sunshine is the best disinfectant” is very true; you cannot fight what you do not know about, and if you suppress ideas and thoughts, they are not noticed and worse, you make them more attractive to the disaffected in society.

In the end, name-calling is not a persuasive argument whether in politics or any other topic.  The willingness to thoughtfully engage with ideas that may be anathema to you is a sign of maturity and intelligence.  As difficult as it may be, try to engage those you do not understand.  Around the world, the arrogance and condescension of political and cultural elites towards ordinary people is becoming clearer; Brexit, the vote against the Colombian peace plan, and the US election are the response of the ordinary people.  In this country, Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are both symptoms of a great disillusionment with current political elites and actors and the attitudes of those elites and actors towards the great majority of voters on both sides of the political spectrum; Trump and Sanders are not the causes of that disaffection.  We would all do well to attempt to understand the causes and then move to fix the source of them.