Friday Morning Thoughts: Family & Christmas*

It’s the Friday before Christmas, which this year falls on a Tuesday. We are in California visiting family. Between the two of us we have several visits to make. In my case, my family does a big pre-Christmas Christmas the weekend before the actual day. This means that everybody gets together at one house and we eat, hang out, and exchange gifts and generally raise a ruckus. In other words, a lot of fun.

My husband’s family is our other crew. This is a bit more complex and jigsaw puzzle-like. We have to juggle my father-in-law, his wife, my mother-in-law, two sisters-in-law, and brother-in-law and wife. This usually entails Christmas Eve in one place, Christmas breakfast in another, and Christmas dinner in yet another. We drive around the Sacramento area A LOT.

It’s always nice to be back in California for the holidays. I have to admit, I don’t require a white Christmas in order to get into the spirit. A warm Christmas works just fine. What makes Christmas a bit more challenging out here is the amount of planning and re-planning that goes into each visit. I know that we’re not alone in dealing with this; plenty of other people travel back and forth between parents. Hell, there was even a movie, Four Christmases, that took on that challenge. We only have three and one of those is not on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, so I feel lucky. We get to spend time with family, eat good food, and be back in California.

We even braved a mall today. And, made it out alive! At least we’re not flying to Portland on Tuesday.

*OK, so it’s Friday afternoon. Whatever.

Friday Morning Thoughts: Jumping on the offensensitivity* bandwagon

Lately, it seems as if everybody is looking for reasons to be offended. The latest petty reason that’s come to my attention is the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”.  Bored Panda had a short piece that highlighted an English teacher’s discussion (maybe it could be called a reverse fisking) of the lyrics of that song. In that discussion the teacher explains that given the social mores of the day (1940s) the woman in the song is trying to figure out a socially plausible reason for spending the night with the man. He’s also working on persuading her to stay. In the end, as the teacher notes, yes, it could be seen as “rapey” (the guy is working hard to get her to stay), but it’s also a level of empowerment for the woman as she wants to stay, but has to figure out a way to do so without harming her reputation.

I posted this link on Facebook with the simple comment that this provided an interesting take on the song. The reaction was mixed, but what stood out to me the most was the response of a college friend (really not a good friend, just one of those you happen to reconnect with on FB, but who was not a close friend during college). This woman is far to the left and swallows anything coming out from the opinion arbiters on that side of the political spectrum almost without thought. And, her reaction to my post was no exception to that. Full bore “how dense can you people be?!” response. I initially responded with asking if she’d read the entire post, and copying the images of the teacher’s tweet/instagram response. A few minutes later I reconsidered and deleted my comments hoping she hadn’t seen them yet and wanting simply to ignore her comments. No such luck. Another comment along the lines of “I can’t believe you’re such an apologist for this crap!”.  This one I’m ignoring.

This friend is typical of many on the left, or those who wish to be seen as on the left, who simply do not want to engage in any kind of discourse (while loudly proclaiming that they do). I know this is not a shock to many people, but when I run across it proclaimed so blatantly, it just sticks out; and most especially sticks out when it’s an otherwise competent and intelligent person. I am getting stronger about speaking out and holding my own ground as opposed to employing a go-along/get-along strategy. Mostly I’ve grown tired of getting yelled at for holding views that differ from what is considered by the woke crowd to be wrongthink. I’m just done. You want to be offended? Fine. Be offended. Spend your energy in a useless fashion. Me? I’m gonna be over here enjoying life.

Now, I’m off to ignore Facebook. 

*I first saw the word “offensensitivity” in a Bloom County cartoon. All credit to Burke Breathed and Opus.

Friday morning thoughts: Change

Sarah Hoyt had a great post about emerging from a cocoon and being a different person than you were at 7 or 18 or last night. That got me thinking about changes in my past and changes coming up in my future.

Right now, the Center of My Being and I are figuring out when we are going to move back west of the Rockies. We want to be closer to family; his parents are aging, all but one of his siblings and closest cousins are in California, my cousins are up and down the West Coast. It makes a lot of sense to move back. It is also an absolutely crazy idea. I have tenure; an impossible-to-fire-me job. Why the hell would I think about giving that up for the insecurity of adjuncting, or working in the “real world”, or, as I will be doing, writing full time?

There are many reasons for doing something that appears to be quite crazy on the surface. For one, I can’t expect him to remain 3,000 miles from his family when he put up with my parents in close proximity for as long as he did. Secondly, I made a promise when we first left California, that after tenure, the next major move we made would be because he found the cool job. Finally, I’ve come to realize over the last two to three years what my father was talking about when he fussed that tenure was a trap of sorts. I scoffed at the time and said, how can having a guaranteed job be a trap??

Well, I found out. You get to the point where you will put up with innumerable indignities because you KNOW you can’t leave this job…you have tenure! You fight the EXACT SAME battles again and again and again. A really ugly version of “Groundhog Day.” The same colleagues react the same way to the same battles…it really never changes.

I had a sabbatical last spring (OK, so tenure has some really great bonuses…sabbaticals are one of them). As I settled in to do research (the reason for the sabbatical), I realized that this just did not make me happy or interested or anything. I started teaching myself German (you have to totally check out Gabriel Wyner’s site fluent-forever.com…no, I don’t get paid for endorsing it, it’s simply that good) and had a blast and now I’m coversationally fluent. I also read my first ever self-help-figure-yourself-out book. Rather eye-opening. Then, I added an opening line for a book to a FB comment string…then I started writing…Now, 11 months later, I’m about to finish my first ever work of fiction. I have plans for two more in this series; I’m building another world for another series; I have outlines for at least three short stories.  I’m having a blast AND with indie publishing, I can do this. This makes me very, very excited and happy.

So, we’re leaving. Not sure exactly where to yet, but west of the Rockies or thereabouts.  And, I’m going to become a recovering Academic. And, I’m really very happy about it.

Friday morning thoughts

I just saw a comment from a friend describing another comment as “self-induced terror.” I think that hits the nail on the head regarding some of the postings and comments I am seeing in my Facebook feed (clearly non-scientific, purely anecdotal evidence).  I’ve seen otherwise reasonable people scream in fear that gay marriage, access to abortion, minority rights, etc. are all going to be limited at best and destroyed at worst, with the worst case usually winning out in terms of what “will” happen.

Teaching college students about the basics of our political system makes me aware, perhaps more than most, of the gaps in their education when they arrive as freshmen.  High schools no longer require or often even offer civics classes, so many students do not have even a basic knowledge of how the system actually functions.  They are ripe for those whose purpose is to disseminate inaccurate or misleading information.  One glaring misunderstanding concerns the role and power of the Supreme Court.  The Court is an appellate court which means that it hears cases on appeal from a lower court.  Original jurisdiction covers arguments between states, between citizens and government, and the constitutionality of laws passed by Congress and Executive Orders issued by the President.  The Court cannot simply decide to overturn previous decisions on a whim.  The cries of “Roe v. Wade is gone!” are woefully ignorant and a nasty bit of fear-mongering.  Roe v. Wade is the law of the land; even the conservative justices will tell you that (even if they also tell you that they don’t like it).

Gay marriage is also not threatened.  Like it or not, the Court ruled that same-sex marriage is protected under the 14th Amendment.  And, while the conservative justices on the Court argued that this was a broad interpretation of the due process clause, they are not primed to overturn it; the decision was five to four and the four will abide by the decision.  In addition to the 14th Amendment argument, the full faith and credit clause protects same-sex marriage as it requires states to recognize marriages performed in other states as legal and valid.  Finally, the social culture of our country has shifted enough that most people support the idea of same-sex marriage on the basis that it’s really not their problem who somebody else marries.  Those that are opposed to it on religious grounds are entitled to believe that, and the 1st Amendment guarantees them the right to their own religious beliefs.  That belief does not mean they are homophobic and calling them that serves no purpose and does not persuade anybody that you are interested in any kind of reasonable discussion of issues (nor does deliberately provoking a negative response by asking Christian-owned bakeries and pizza joints to make food for weddings knowing they will refuse).

Minority rights in general are also not threatened.  The 15th Amendment, originally aimed at insuring African-Americans had the right to vote, states the “right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.” This covers all citizens regardless of race or ethnicity and cannot be changed by law; the 19th Amendment did the same for women.

So, remember, the Supreme Court justices cannot simply show up for work one day and say “Hey, it’s Tuesday…time to overturn rulings we don’t like!”

Yes, of course, there are individuals who are determined to make this country subservient to their twisted world views. The best course of action against those groups and individuals is to allow them to be heard (free speech is hardest when it’s speech you disagree with, but that is when the concept is the most important) and allow everybody to know exactly what they stand for; that usually significantly lowers their appeal.  The saying “sunshine is the best disinfectant” is very true; you cannot fight what you do not know about, and if you suppress ideas and thoughts, they are not noticed and worse, you make them more attractive to the disaffected in society.

In the end, name-calling is not a persuasive argument whether in politics or any other topic.  The willingness to thoughtfully engage with ideas that may be anathema to you is a sign of maturity and intelligence.  As difficult as it may be, try to engage those you do not understand.  Around the world, the arrogance and condescension of political and cultural elites towards ordinary people is becoming clearer; Brexit, the vote against the Colombian peace plan, and the US election are the response of the ordinary people.  In this country, Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are both symptoms of a great disillusionment with current political elites and actors and the attitudes of those elites and actors towards the great majority of voters on both sides of the political spectrum; Trump and Sanders are not the causes of that disaffection.  We would all do well to attempt to understand the causes and then move to fix the source of them.