A question I’ve been asking myself is where am I and am I where I want to be? Surprisingly for me, I’ve been reading some “self-help” books lately. I’ve never been one to gravitate towards those in the past. However, in light of some severe frustrations and set-backs in my chosen career path, I have come to the realization that I need to take a step back and reevaluate things. As I’ve mentioned, I started writing fiction last summer and I’m really enjoying it. I don’t seem to have the surge of ideas that many authors whose blogs I read (and are linked on my blog roll), but I am finding that more are coming to me as I read for fun and interest and if I simply let my mind wander.
One thing the self-help books mention frequently is gratitude and faith that you can and will figure things out to move your life and life trajectory onto the path that you want and truly enjoy. I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal for about a year now, writing down, at the end of the day, 10 things I’m grateful for that day. I am also consciously reminding myself to be grateful for little things (everything from a good parking spot to a cute dog on my walk to a friendly cashier) as well as the big things (friends, my husband, family). It really does make a difference in my mood and my attitude during the day. I used this technique with relative success last academic year and I will be more mindful about putting it into practice for this coming year (I think it’s going to be necessary!)
I do find myself doubting whether I can pull off this fiction author thing. I tend to procrastinate and that’s been happening lately. However, I can see that the procrastination is being fed by the fear of sticking my neck out, putting the book out to beta readers and then putting it up on Amazon. I am reminded of Marty McFly’s dad in Back to the Future. George McFly has written a sci-fi novel but has not sent it to a publisher because “what if no-one likes it?” he asks Marty. Fear of no-one liking his book means George never sends it out, and therefore never enjoys the success from writing that is in him. I don’t want to be George McFly at the beginning of the movie, I want to be George McFly at the end. When Marty has changed the past so that George sends out his book and it’s a wild success.
To counteract my fears of becoming George McFly the early, I am building a faith that my life as a successful, full-time fiction author is out there waiting for me to arrive. I will send the book out to beta readers in the next week. I will work up the best cover possible and I will figure out all the ins and outs of Amazon Kindle publishing and just get it all done. It will all happen. I know it. It’s all out there just waiting for me!